Why is the common perception that Dad is the second class parent?

Not talking about your household in particular, just society in general.Why is the common perception that Dad is the second class parent?
Well Dad's are treated as second class parents from the very beginning. Society has a double standard when it comes to dads and they also are hypocrites. When a woman becomes pregnant she gets to choose whether or not she will be a parent, she is also choosing for the father because if she chooses yes she will be a parent then the father has no choice. A father is a dead beat if he was not ready to be a dad but a mother is a woman with a choice if she decides to abort the child.





A mother can even drop a child off at a hospital at any age and say she is done with no repercussions but a father cannot do this.





So it starts there and then for some reason people have this idea that because the mother carried the child, she has more rights to the child. This is beyond the mans control, it's not his fault the woman is the one who carries the child.





In the past fathers went to work and mothers cared for the children and so mothers sort of took on this nurturing stereotype while fathers were not as connected with their children.





Times have changed though but people forget they need to change too. I think what is hypocritical is that some moms want to make all the decisions and want to be viewed as the ';main'; parent yet they cry ';dead beat'; if the father is not involved enough.Why is the common perception that Dad is the second class parent?
In my opinion, it's because many women are the ';default'; parent. After carrying and then giving birth to a child, most women are there for the long-haul, whereas many dads are not. I know that is certainly NOT always the case. In my household, my child's dad is very actively involved with her care, but he's not out researching major decisions or reading up on child development, so I feel that I have more of a leg to stand on in making certain choices for my child. I don't necessarily nix his input, though, I just present the reasons and usually succeed at persuading him to see my point.
I am not saying I think this is true, but I think this is the reason why they are ';second class'; in some peoples eyes:





1. more often than not the parent that is the single parent and takes care of the child is the mother, not the father


2. we look at moms as the nurturing type that give the child all of the love, the father as the disciplinarian


3. men are looked at as ';not caring';. *It is also a common perception that your husband does not know your b-day, or anniversary because he has more important things to worry about*
I think it has something to do with the fact that so many dads put themselves in the position as a second class parents. Some dads don't take responsibility at all. And some other dads let the mother take charge as the parent. I think this is the fault of the dads that don't do equal share in parenting. Of course this isn't true for all families. My fiance is a great dad. I just see so many dads that are barely in their child life if at all and so many other dads that just let their wives take all the parenting responsibility.
Parenting is a social construct, and that's how we're set up nowadays.





';A social construction (or social construct) is any phenomenon 'invented' or 'constructed' by participants in a particular culture or society, existing because people agree to behave as if it exists or follow certain conventional rules.';





http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_cons鈥?/a>





My understanding, which may or may not be accurate since it's based off one source, is that the special value placed on motherhood did not come about until the industrial revolution...
Over time men have actually made that decision. The phrase ';Go ask your Mom'; sound familiar? Well many men often shove all questions and concerns to the Mom unless he feels its important and needs him attention. Usually its because the husbands are at work and dont really know what the correct or peace keeping answer should be. The are forced into this sometimes because the moms will be angry if the kid is given the wrong answer (her answer,lol) Dads are sometimes like the president and the wives are congress. He can veto but better have a good reason,lol. I do not think the dads are the second class parents but many kids especially little ones go to mom for the answers because they are the ones who handle the day to day stuff. Wheres my toy? wheres my shoe? Im hungry....things Dad will say he doesn't know.....This is of course a general answer and of course there will be some dads that know these things more than the mom...but in a very broad answer as is your question..the moms are the ones with the answers.
My husband is *not* a second class parent. I've never met another father who was more involved in his children's lives than he is. He was a single parent to his two sons for four years straight because his ex wife couldn't handle them. He is currently a part-time stay at home dad (when work is slow we pull them out of daycare to save money) and he does a great job.





But he does complain about how the system is against men. He paid thousands of dollars trying to get custody of his daughter. And with his sons, when he was trying to get child support from his ex-wife, he had to physically bring his two sons into the office with him, because they didn't believe he had full custody (they thought the boys where in a different state with their mother). It just goes to show you how biased the courts are. I think it should be equal. Each parent should be looked at from an objective standpoint.





I also agree with Lily Daneille. Some men put themselves in this position (not taking care of their children) or allow the woman to take control. In these cases, it's their own fault.
Every time I try to type an answer to your question, I get frustrated with not being able to organize my thoughts and then erase what I've typed.





As someone who's bent over backwards to raise his child alone with a mother who just didn't care, I feel for the dismissive attitude you must sometimes get. But, I sadly think that you are still the exception to the rule.





Before someone jumps all over me, it's only within the past few years that you've heard in any true amount about ';father's rights.'; Men have had political and social power for so long, I think if they organized and stood up for themselves to a great degree when it came to child rearing, they'd have more rights now. More times than not, it's the dad that's run off and the woman left trying to raise a baby alone. It's entirely up to the woman in the first place if a baby is even born.





Slowly things do seem to be changing. Not anywhere near as we'd like. But we need to as a society expect men to carry around their babies by themselves and look at it as a normal thing instead of a novel one.





There are lots of other points to talk about here and someone might say something near 180 degrees different from me and I still may agree.
My husband is a great dad. But I tell you what its not in is nature to stay home with the kids. One week he had the kids alone. I walked in the door and child was hanging off the bar chair and another was jumping on the couch. Dishes piled in the sink clothes hanging from chairs and so many toys on the floor I could not tell where the living room began and the kids room ended. I think a lot of households are similar to mine. So my perception is dads can hack it with the kids.
for the same reason that there's a common perception in many professions that the women are second-class workers. it takes a while for it to sink in with some people that just because something was traditionally handled primarily by one gender doesn't mean the other gender can't do it just as well.
There's a lot more to it than can be answered here but take the ';provider'; role, nuvo feminism and a lack of true partnerships within marriage and you have somewhat of an answer. Basically we've gone from men as top dogs that ruled the house with an iron fist to women who won't let their husbands make decisions or men who won't take responsibility for the little life they created. It's not one gender's fault but it will take both to get things right.
Traditionally (and in 3rd world countries still are) women are expected and seen as the ones who take care of the children and home while the man's job is to go out and be the hunter/provider. Women are seen as more nurturing then men, which is why women get custody in divorce cases 99% of the time even when the father has proof that the mother doesn't deserve custody.
In our house Mom is the one that rules with an iron fist. That isn't saying that my dad doesn't make decisions, it's just that my sister and I know that between the two my mom is more willing to get a belt than my dad is. But that isn't to say that Dad is the secondary parent. I always ask him to do things first, but that's because I know my mom will usually say yes, as long as I'm not out all night or whatnot, and it's clearing it with him that's the tricky part. And if he says no, it's a definitive no, and if he grounds us or something we aren't going anywhere. Which is way worse than any whipping.





My mom was in the army before I was born (I'm the oldest) and before that she lived in a very rough household. From that she's learned how to be one tough lady, not that she beats us or anything, but she isn't afraid to tan our hides if need be....there hasn't been a need in a long time. My dad, however, grew up in a household with few chores and consequences. From that he's learned any tricks we might use to sneak out or whatever. They are seriously the dynamic duo when it comes to catching us in the act, haha. That's why my sister and I don't even try to get away with stuff anymore.





I can see where people get the secondary parent idea though. Many people think that just because we don't fear our dad's wrath in the same way as our mom's that we don't respect him. That isn't true. Trust me I'd much rather be punished physically than be grounded for the weekend. That's like torture when you have a car. Sadly I'm 18 and sis is 16 and they feel us to be old enough to the point that we shouldn't need physical punishment to understand my rights from wrongs. And yes, even though I am 18 I still respect the rules my parents have for me, like an early curfew through the week, or no boys in my room or whatever. But I digress.





I think what I'm trying to say is that a lot of dads let themselves become the secondary parent. With phrases like ';Ask mom,'; or ';Not now I'm busy.'; Or even actions like not paying attention when your kid makes a card for you his/her first grade art class. They eventually push their kids away.
Because the mother is ';usually'; the one taking care of the children. A mother has a need to make sure her kids are taken care of. Usually when a kid falls or gets hurt the mother is the one to make sure the child is taken care of. It's just in our nature.
Historically the men have been the bread winner and the woman has been the stay at home parent. Now that we are in a more modern society that perception is slowly changing and it is no longer unusual to see a father out with his child alone.
Because the mother bore the child and thus has a ';greater connection'; to the child.





The father is considered second probably because a lot of men take more of a supportive role in parenting.
Probably because it's what is most common in the media, books, movies, households...





Not for my life though, I have always been closer to my Dad.